YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE
AND MY WORLD HAS NEVER LOOKED SO BRIGHT IT’S TRUE YOU BRING OUT THE BEST OF ME WHEN YOU ARE AROUND WHEN YOU ARE AROUND ALL THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER DAYS KEEP GETTING BETTER NIGHTS KEEP GETTING BETTER ALL THINGS KEEP GETTING BETTER
My dentist once told me that letting go is like...
dont-you-dare-forget-me: My favorite quote. Ever.
me: a building in town was on fire yesterday
my grandma: so were my bowels
sexybritishllama: no cough syrup you are not ‘grape flavoured’ have you ever tasted a grape you taste like death and the tears of small children not fucking grape
cybergay: cloudy with a chance of me not getting laid this summer
lionnudes: Saying “Come over” to someone who lives 1734739 miles away from you
agent-bartowski: my head canon is that these two each had kids who grew up to be these two
I don’t like morning people or mornings or people
friend: i stayed up so late last night omg im so tired
me: oh really same when did you go to bed?
friend: like 12:30 or 1 ugh
me: wOW that's reALLY laTE
So there's only one channel in this motel,
madeofmetals: This morning while I was getting ready I was watching Sesame Street. They were doing this bit where some clown was trying to wash his hands but kept washing his feet or his elbows and Elmo would go, “no mister noodle, your HANDS!” and all the tv kids would laugh. Around the fourth or fifth time he couldn’t find his hands, I heard a grown man yell from somewhere else in the motel,...
mom: why are you laughing alone in your room
imthedad: fact: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once
confusedastronaut-: when i’m 21 im gonna go to a bar and order apple juice
conceptalbumsandhorses: tomorrow is august
Don’t you look at my girlfriend
i don’t know how to not curse i’ll mean to say, “ooh, this is pretty” and it will come out as THIS IS THE NICEST FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE GODDAMN LIFE it’s a problem
Me babysitting a little kid
how i would narrate the Olympics
me: they're doing some athletic shit
furrys: im afraid that school is going to conflict with my blog so i cant go
Me watching the Olympics at age 8: Oh that's nice
Me watching the Olympics at age 12: Wow I hope we win
Me watching the Olympics at age 16+: I'm going to fuck the entire swim team and no one can stop me
chachipistachis: atomicairspace: copperbooms: when did tumblr collectively decide not to use punctuation like when did this happen why is this a thing it just looks so smooth I mean look at this sentence flow like a jungle river with all the force of a great typhoon wait that’s not right
me: could I have a coke with that
cashier: is pepsi ok?
me: is monopoly money ok?
cashier: NO ACTUALLY IT ISN'T OK FOR YOU TO PAY WITH MONOPOLY MONEY JUST BECAUSE I SERVED YOU A PEPSI INSTEAD OF A COKE BECAUSE PEPSI AND COKE ARE BOTH LEGITIMATE ALBEIT SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE SAME BASIC BEVERAGE. THEY ARE BOTH TASTY AND EQUALLY EDIBLE. MONOPOLY MONEY, HOWEVER, IS NOT OK TO PAY WITH BECAUSE WE HAVE A STANDARDISED LEGAL TENDER IN THIS COUNTRY AND IT IS NOT MONOPOLY MONEY. ANYONE CAN JUST GO TO TOYS R US AND BUY MONOPOLY BUT IF THEY COULD SPEND THE MONEY THEY OBTAINED IN IT EVERYWHERE WHAT WOULD THAT DO TO THE ECONOMY THERE'D BE CHAOS I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU WERE YOU DROPPED AS A BABY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
Well excUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUu se me
i-like-pigeons: Δ~~Δ ξ •ｪ• ξ ξ ~ ξ ξ ξ ξ ⌒～~～~〇 ξ , ξ ξ ξξ ξ~~~ξ ξ ξ_ξ ξ_ξ ξ_ξ
my meals in the summer
more food: 1am
midnight snack: 4am
circa-93: daughterofhungryghosts: I’m so excited for this, it’s not even funny. It’s like everything Glee had hoped to be, but never was. i think i just…died